A Glimpse in the Rear View...

I have always considered myself to be a relatively smart person and have always been that person who follows the rules and does things the way they are supposed to be done. Like when you are getting ready to take a trip someplace new and before you leave, you get online and map and print out the directions...I do that. But have you ever done that and just as you are getting to your final destination, you take that left turn and find yourself at a dead end? And there you sit thinking, "What the heck?! I did everything right; how can this be?" Well, I've done it and during some deep reflection on the current events that make up my life, I have found myself thinking about that specific experience. Before I get started on this little thing called blogging, I feel like I should give a little recap of the last couple years of my life. Because it was almost two years ago when I turned that corner in life and saw that big yellow sign. Without any warning, my life changed forever.

Like I said, I have always done everything the "right" way. I went to college, met a boy, graduated, married the boy, and started a family. We lived what I thought was a happy life raising our family. Anyone who knew us believed the same thing. But then one day my husband told me that he was not happy. Not only that, but he said that he had been unhappy for the past four years of our marriage. His words were like a blow to the stomach that took my breath away. I immediately went into "fix-it" mode, trying to do everything in my power to make things better. The problem was, I was working at it alone. For the next year, I did what I could and begged him to stay, all the while watching him slip further away from me until he finally admitted that he didn't want to try to make it work. This left me with the responsibility of sitting our three young children down and trying to explain to them that Mommy and Daddy weren't going to be married anymore and Daddy was going to live someplace else. I think this is one of the worst things I have ever had to do.

That brings me to this past year. A year spent trying to help the kids adjust to all of the changes in their lives while trying to adjust myself. A year of new beginnings, self-discovery, anger, despair and hope. Sounds like a lot, I know. It is. Life as I once knew it is gone and the life that I thought and hoped that I would always have is gone too. But at the end of the day I had that choice to make...get out and give someone else the wheel or turn around and try it again. With three beautiful children in my life, the choice was easy to make. What choice did I really have? The hard part isn't turning around, the hard part is trying to find your way again.

So, now I am finding my way. Trying to make the most out of the hand that has been dealt to me. I have been blessed with many things in my life and I refuse to lose sight of those things just because life hasn't gone my way. I have no idea where this road will take me, but I invite you to follow along while I find out.