Survival Mode: OFF

It's time. In fact, I am sure it is probably well past time. It's just that I have never actually been taught what the rule is on how much time it should take to get back to a place of normalcy after a divorce. It has been almost a year now since our divorce was finalized and three years since he first left the house, which is still hard for me to believe because I remember it all like it was yesterday. During this time we have been running on survival mode around here and, if I am honest with myself (which I am trying to be), I have started to use this as a crutch whenever things seem difficult. This would bring me to my New Year's resolution for this year. I am turning off the survival mode and reclaiming our family life...no excuses.

I first made mention of this plan of mine in my last post about my dining room table, this desire of mine to give my children back the sense of family that we lost when their father left. I said that in the new year, no matter how painful it was for me, we were going to go back to eating our meals at the dinner table together. After writing that post, I started to think more about this survival mode of ours and all of the different ways that it is affecting the way I raise my children and I realized that there are a lot of things that I am not satisfied with. After three years, I think that it is time for me to stop passing all of the blame and to start taking responsibility for the current state of my family. Now, does this mean that I am no longer angry with my ex? No. Am I still bitter? Yes. Do I still find myself filled with resentment at times? Yes. And that is exactly what makes this resolution such a challenge for me. But, these are all things that I am trying to find a way to let go of as I move forward in my life. Maybe if I am more happy with what our family has become in the home, it will be easier to let some of that go. So, I have come up with two things that I will focus on this year:
1. Eat dinner at the dining room table together.
2. Less TV, computer, and video games

These new house rules took effect this week with the return to school and so far, I have been pleased with the results! The kids are no longer allowed to watch TV or play on the computer or with their video games without my permission during the week. The initial response to this new rule was indifference, but after day two it met some resistance. This was to be expected. I am sure it will take some adjusting to, but I have already noticed a decrease in the amount of yelling and fighting in the house. As far as the family dinners go, everyone seems to be happy to be back at the table...even me.

Maybe I just needed some time, but this change has been much easier for me than I thought it would be. I think I am just ready for us to be happy in our house again and I recognize the fact that that happiness is just another one of those things that I need to take control of. The only thing that I was accomplishing by blaming someone else for all of our unhappiness, was giving him the power to control our happiness. So, the survival mode is officially off now and it is time to really live. We'll see how it goes!